


Last of us

by ChristianHowe



Series: Child of the Wild [3]
Category: Arion (Band), Battle Beast (Band), Finnish Music RPF, Sydänpuu (Band), Temple Balls (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Gen, M/M, Nuclear Winter, Shamanism, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:31:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23157826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChristianHowe/pseuds/ChristianHowe
Summary: The `Child of the Wild' series is spun off Goldscythe's `Nuclear Winter'. This part introduces Mielikki's son Iivo, Jani and Terhi's younger brother and deals, among others, with the quest for the Drum of the Living. While I am not entirely sure where exactly this will be going, it will link back to Goldscythe's epic eventually.
Series: Child of the Wild [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1150979
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Darial_Kuznetsova](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darial_Kuznetsova/gifts).

> Lyrics to _Last of us_ by Iivo Kaipainen and Matias Kupiainen.
> 
> Disclaimer: Not mine and, thank g*d, not true.
> 
> Unbetaed.

_Winter night, hours of black and white_  
_Haunted road with slowly fading footprints in the snow_

"Iivo!"

"What?" Iivo looked up to see his friends staring at him with bewilderment on their faces, noticing belatedly that they'd stopped playing.

"You... your nose," Arttu eventually volunteered. "You're bleeding."

Frowning, Iivo brought his hand up to his nose just when the first blood drop fell on the kantele in his lap. "What..."

It was then that he saw her. She was small and dark, but the light surrounding her was bright, full of colours, and of an intensity that burned itself right into his head. The pain was so severe that he fell to the ground, where he curled up and cried out.

"I've got you." Arttu's voice was barely audible over the red streaks of agony in Iivo's head. "Go get Ahti," Arttu instructed the others, then yelled, "Go away! Can't you see you're hurting him?!"

Iivo felt senseless laughter bubbling up in him. Couldn't Arttu see that the spirit was nowhere near to where he was directing his yell? But no, of course, Arttu couldn't see it. Iivo and his fathers were the only ones who could sense the spirits. Or no, only he and Ahti could now see them as Gáiju had passed on to the spirit world last Dark-Period Moon. Following his death, Iivo wished more than ever that he could tolerate the company of spirits so he could still talk to his dead father, but since the first day he could remember, any spirit's presence had made him violently ill. There'd been nausea, vomiting, unbearable headaches to the point of passing out and flailing on the floor, the first sign often being a nosebleed before he even realised there was a spirit present.

When they'd come to understand what caused their foster son's illness, Ahti and Gáiju had marked the kota with signs to ask the spirits to keep away from their dwelling. As for the villagers, they knew that Iivo was somehow different, but they attributed his seizures to a previous head injury, just like Ahti had only learned to sense the spirits after he'd been almost been beaten to death in his youth. Aside from his fathers, only Iivo's closest friends Viljami and Gege as well as his milk brother Arttu knew the real truth.

"I will leave if you tell me to." The spirit had moved away as far as she could, but the swirling colours and her voice continued to assault his senses. "But please hear this first. Your mother asked me to come here. She needs to speak with you."

_His mother!_

Iivo knew, of course, that Ahti and Gáiju weren't his birth fathers. He also knew that they were raising him because of an unspoken danger that would have threatened him had he grown up with his birth parents. He'd never doubted that he'd been given away out of love, to protect him from a threat his mother had seen in a vision so violent and strong that it had almost killed her. In order to keep him safe, he hadn't had any contact with them, didn't even know their names. That the strange spirit had come to deliver a message from his mother made the decision to hear her out easy even in the face of the excruciating pain.

"Stay," he choked. A part of him sensed that Arttu and the others were carrying him over to his cot and covering him with a blanket, but suddenly all that mattered was what the spirit had come to tell him. "Why has she sent you, where is she?"

The spirit smiled, but it was a sad smile. "Unlike me, she's alive. Her spirit is free to travel the spirit world, but not the world of the living. That's why she sent me to ask you to meet her in the spirit world."

In the spirit world? There was no way Iivo could go there if already the presence of a single spirit made him so violently ill. Besides, he had no idea how to reach it as his own spirit had never learned to travel. And then... "I don't have an anchor," he pressed out. "The child bond won't be strong enough to bring me back."

"I can take you there and bring you back," the spirit said, then added, "And you won't feel pain in the spirit world."

Iivo sensed that she was trying to be short in order to spare him more pain. Her assurance that he wouldn't feel any in the spirit world was comforting, but he'd already made his decision, regardless.

"What must I do?"

"Close your eyes and take my hands," the spirit instructed.

Closing his eyes was easy as it cost him an effort to keep them open, but how was he supposed to take her hands when she didn't have a body? Just as he was about to ask, he _felt_ her hands on his. It didn't make sense to him, but it felt as real as a touch from a living person. Well, then, he was going to the spirit world with her...

"Gáiju will tell Ahti," the spirit read his next thought. "All will be well. Trust me."

Her voice sounded different now, and the air had changed, too. It was colder, but fresher, the hint of smoke that always lingered in the goahti was gone. Then it became warmer and...

"Now open your eyes."

Iivo did as he was bidden and gasped. Not only had the pain stopped, but he'd never seen anything alike. So, yes, in the very short summers, the snow withdrew from parts of the ground so that lichen and grass and some grains would grow, but he now found himself standing on an almost endless field of grass that was greener than he'd ever seen, and there were flowers he only knew from the elders' tales. And it wasn't only the grass that was greener, also his hair was shining in a brighter red. He came to the conclusion that it must be the light. Looking up at the sky, he saw that it was of a deep blue, with a sun that radiated not only light but also warmth.

He turned to look at the spirit, who was no longer a dark, colourless figure but a small woman with dark hair who smiled at him. "Welcome to the spirit world, Iivo," she said. "I should have introduced myself earlier, but I wouldn't contribute to your agony any longer than necessary. I'm Tähti Koskinen and your sister was my foster daughter."

Finding his assumption confirmed that she'd wanted to spare him further pain earlier, Iivo almost missed her next words. "I... I have a sister?"

Tähti laughed gently. "A sister and a brother. But come now, let me take you to your mother."

Iivo thought they'd walk, go somewhere, but things must be different in the spirit world because, seemingly out of nowhere, he was suddenly facing another woman, as tall as him with bright red hair and tears in her light blue eyes – except for the colour of his eyes that were hazel-green, it was almost as if he was looking into a mirror. He couldn't speak, and neither could she apparently, and for an infinite moment they just stood there with their eyes locked onto each other.

"Iivo, this is Mielikki Liimatainen," Tähti said softly, and the frozen time continued to flow.

"Iivo," Mielikki whispered in a choked voice as she drew him into her arms and he melted into the embrace. He'd never doubted that his parents had given him away out of love, and now he felt their love – not only hers but also that of his father.

"His name is Toivo," she confirmed his thought, "and he's my anchor. If he'd have come, too, we'd risk getting lost here, and we're still needed in the world of the living. Iivo," she sounded sad now, "I've come to ask for your help. Before I do, I need you to know that you're free to decline what I'm about to ask and that your decision won't affect the love we have for you. However, the passing of time here is different than in the physical world, so I can't explain for long. Toivo will soon pull me back to prevent my body from dying, just like Tähti must return you safely home then."

She loosened the embrace and indicated they should sit on the ground. Iivo leaned against her and she wrapped her arm around his shoulders when she spoke again.

"Your father and I come from long shaman lines and the gift, as some call it, is strong also in our children. When we had our first-borns, twins, your brother Jani and your sister Terhi, I knew that they must not grow up together, that our children must not even know of each other if they were to be safe. See, there are those who are not content with what the earth provides for our living, but who strive for riches and power. They are not noaidi but aware of the noaidi's abilities. Unlike us, however, they would use our command of the spirits to hurt others, to deprive them of their needs. In too simple a word as it is far more complex, but for lack of a better one, they want to use us for their evil where we aim to do good. Were you to be captured before you were old enough to understand, we had to make sure you couldn't be forced into following their orders and giving up your siblings."

Iivo could feel her pain when she continued.

"Three months before the twins were born, Tähti had a son. She'd come to live with us while she was carrying him, and we decided that Terhi would go with her when Tähti returned to her family. Tähti is a water shaman and Terhi's element is also water. Jani is fire and wind," she smiled, "and would have driven a water shaman insane. As it is, your father and I are both earth-bound, and even we could barely contain him."

He sensed more sadness from her now but didn't ask, knowing that if there were enough time she'd tell him.

"When you were born, Toivo brought you to live with Ahti and Gáiju. As children, we'd been in training with their elders for a few months and knew you'd be in good, loving hands with them. As they're both men, it was clear that you couldn't be their birth child, so we decided to give you my maiden name, Kaipainen." She paused.

"In order to keep you safe, Toivo and I had to break off contact with Ahti and Gáiju as well as with Tähti and Tapani, her partner. But recent events are forcing us to communicate again and react. Tähti and Tapani were captured and murdered. Terhi and her partner and anchor Risto were also captured. They're still alive but they're being tortured and since we don't know where they are we can't attempt to rescue them. Even if we knew their whereabouts, we are but few and wouldn't stand a chance against an army of trained soldiers. That will change one day, but that day has not yet come." She paused again.

"The well-being of my children is most important for me as a mother," Mielikki swallowed. "But as noaidi, I also have responsibility toward all people. What I am about to tell you is known to even very few of us, namely the Circle of Five."

Iivo nodded. Shamans of highest standing formed the Circle of Five. They weren't considered leaders and made no decisions but served as guides. It was only now that she'd mentioned the Circle that he suddenly realised that he'd heard the names Liimatainen and Koskinen before as members of the Circle.

"You know that there are instruments as well as places of great power, the Seita," Mielikki continued very seriously. "The most powerful instruments that exist are the Three Drums. Sielujen Rumpu, the Drum of the Spirits, Välitilan Rumpu, the Drum of the Between, and Elävien Rumpu, the Drum of the Living. They've been kept safe for centuries by the Five, but never together. The Elders foretold that one day, the Drums will be reunited to save the world."

Her voice sank to a whisper. "There are those among the Five who think that three siblings, who have shaman traits from both sides of their families will be the ones to reunite the drums. But even the Five do not know that Toivo and I, who are both from shaman lines, have three children. Tähti, one of the Five, while she was alive, only knew about Terhi and Jani. Ahti and Gáiju don't know that you have siblings. Jyrki and Tuomas only know that we have one son, Jani. Toivo and I are the only ones among the Five who know, and we decided to keep it that way for the time being because if it really were your fate to reunite the Drums, not all of you are ready for that burden."

Iivo knew that due to his inability to tolerate the spirits, he'd only received parts of a shaman's training, but he sensed that he wasn't the only one his mother was referring to, and that it made her sad.

"Now, regardless of what the future may hold, what's important right now is that the Drums stay safely hidden," Mielikki said. "The Koskinen have always been the guardians of the Drum of the Living. What with Tähti dead and Terhi captured, another guardian is needed to make sure it remains hidden. There is no way that Terhi would give it up, but although its hiding place is well chosen, it must be assured that nobody find it by coincidence."

She didn't have to continue. Iivo didn't hesitate. "I'll do it."

"Are you sure? It is a huge responsibility and you are young and still in training."

"And you wouldn't have asked me if there were anyone else," Iivo smiled.

Mielikki sighed. "Your brother Jani is fighting issues that leave him without enough strength for this burden. I would go myself, but... I am guardian of the Drum of the Spirits. If I were to take on responsibility for another Drum, it would be too dangerous. They must not be brought together until the right time has come. If you accept – temporary – guardianship, Tähti will guide you to its location because I do not, and must not ever, know where it is kept."

"I accept guardianship," Iivo said gravely, "until the time comes to hand it over to someone better suited than me."

"Then I suggest that Tähti will return you home now. Toivo is tugging at the anchor bond, letting me know I have to return, too." Mielikki's eyes filled with tears again. "I wish we could stay longer. Maybe one day you can come visit us, meet us in the realm of the living, but that day has not come yet."

She stood, as did Iivo, so they could hug again. Letting go of her was maybe the hardest thing he'd done in his life, but he knew that staying wasn't an option. "I love you," he said and felt it reverberate in her.

"I love you, too," she replied. "Always have and always will. And I know we'll meet again, if not in the world of the living, then here after we die. It's the only comfort I feel at having to leave you again." She swallowed. "Be safe, Iivo."

"Be safe," Iivo whispered back, and then he was standing there alone, his arms still wrapped around a shape he could now only sense in his heart.

"We need to leave, too," he heard Tähti's gentle voice behind him and he nodded. "Where do I have to go?" Iivo asked after taking a deep breath.

"Take supplies for three days and travel to the west," Tähti instructed. "I will send you a guide. Not a spirit, but you'll recognise him when you meet him. You will not see me again unless you ask for me. Mielikki will let me know," she explained with a smile, "as she now shares a bond with you."

Iivo's eyebrows shot up, but she was right, deep inside he could now feel another presence that he recognised as Mielikki's love, much like the child bond he shared with Ahti and had shared with Gáiju.

"Take my hands again and close your eyes."

Iivo complied and the strange sensations he'd already felt during the journey to the spirit world took over again. The temperature fell, then rose again until he could smell the smoke that signified home.

Then the agony exploded in his head, followed by darkness, followed by nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

The vision had been brutal. Ahti had barely been able to hold his son and apprentice still when he'd begun to convulse. He'd made sure that the flailing youngster didn't bite his tongue or hit his head, then spent the next two days wiping sweat off his face and feeding him tea – and then holding him up when he couldn't keep it down. Ahti was a healer, but his skills were without power against a spirit headache. All he could do was whisper soothing words, promise Iivo that it would, as always, be eventually over, and damp down the fire because heat and light tended to make the pain even worse.

Sitting next to the pile of reindeer pelts they'd bedded Iivo on, Ahti wondered once again if there wasn't anything he could do to ease his son's burden. Iivo's description of the pain reminded him of the days, way back in time, when he himself had woken up in Gáiju's goahti with a fractured skull after he'd been beaten to within an inch of his life by the furious inhabitants of his home village. He'd never had a chance to find out whether their rage was fuelled more by the fact that he'd been caught having sex with another man or by that man being Sámi, synonym to outcast in the world he'd grown up in.

Somehow, Gáiju's relatives had rescued them and nursed him and Gáiju back to health, then adopted him into their family. He'd never returned to the village that had formerly been his home. He'd wanted to say goodbye to the friends he'd had, assuming that there may be anyone left who hadn't turned against him, but before he was healed enough to venture out and return there, the world had been poisoned and they'd been forced to flee. Much later, he'd found out that the people of his former home had either perished from the radiation or killed each other over food. Despite what they'd done to him, he'd mourned them. After that, he hadn't looked back on his former life.

Like his first family, the Sámi family that had become his, was no longer. Some had died during the initial waves of radiation and famine, others were hunted down when refugees fought them over precious resources. Gáiju, too, had recently passed on to the spirit world, but Ahti missed him only on rare occasions: They'd be reunited eventually, and until then he visited him in the spirit world if Gáiju's spirit didn't come to see him – when he'd woken in the Sámi village with his broken head, Ahti had lost his former life, but he'd also gained something, the sense for the spirits and their world.

He'd been trained by the elder Sámi in the ways of healing, and Gáiju's shaman father, Sáppá, had instructed him in the ways of the spirits and their world. He hadn't been their only student, though. The Sámi family that had adopted him was close friends with a Finnish couple who'd come to the far North to learn about their ways. However, they'd left shortly before the nuclear winter darkened the world. Many years later, the couple's son had contacted Sáppá and asked if they'd be willing to foster their child. Already before the child was born, the mother had had a strong vision that spoke of terrible danger if her son were to be raised by his birth parents. Since Ahti and Gáiju couldn't have children of their own they were happy to agree despite the heavy responsibility as it was clear to them that this was no ordinary child.

The latter fact led to a potential problem regarding the inhabitants of the Arion settlement. Whereas Ahti and his family knew they could trust all Sámi, they'd also taken in many refugees from other regions over the years. While the Sámi accepted different belief systems, they couldn't be sure how the newcomers would react to a child that was so different. For instance, at that time, only a handful of people outside the Sámi knew that Sáppá was more than an old man and that his wisdom was not restricted to the world of the living.

Therefore, in the night the stranger had left a crying bundle at Ahti and Gáiju's doorstep, loud arguing had emerged from their goahti. Since they didn't understand enough of the Sámi language, the villagers couldn't figure out who of the two had betrayed the other. Some even said that it was bound to happen eventually, that same sex couples couldn't be faithful with each other. Ahti and Gáiju knew they'd made the right decision in staging the fake fight rather than sharing the truth with them.

In the same manner, people took pity on Maija, a refugee woman, who, according to a religious group that opposed the Sámi beliefs, was led to believe that she and her first son had only survived his birth with the help of Sáppá. She must clearly be mistaken because how could the old fool's herbs have achieved that; it must have been the prayers of the small congregation of refugees from the east that had saved her. Hence said people further agreed that the old man had played on her gratitude and coerced her into agreeing to nurse the gay couple's bastard child.

It was true that Sáppá had helped ease Maija's labour, but he'd never asked for anything in return. In fact, the opposite was the case: when he'd asked if she'd be willing to nurse another child if, and only if, she had milk to spare, he'd emphasised that she was entirely free in her decision. She'd made it clear to him that no child would be fed on reindeer milk alone if she had anything to say.

She had enough milk for both children. Eventually, the rumours died down when more refugees arrived with tales of new adventures to share. That Maija's nurse child turned out to be exceptionally skilful when it came to tasks like lighting a fire, ice fishing, or finding good wood for kindling, was attributed to him having been born under a lucky moon. That he suffered from seizures was not so lucky, of course, but everyone was burdened with minor or major ailments, some more than others, so people quickly learned to call for Ahti and Sáppá when the little boy was flailing on the ground, and that was it.

It was thus that Iivo had entered Ahti and Gáiju's life and they did their best to keep him sheltered; especially with the world being what it was, the spiritually gifted had to be protected from the powers that sought to destroy them: As Ahti learned, the child had shaman traits from both sides of his family. Ahti and Gáiju, who didn't have the gift himself – or the curse, as they sometimes silently agreed when Iivo was racked with pain from a vision – but knew more about nature, animal and plant life than Ahti could ever begin to fathom, had taught the boy all they could.

As long as Iivo couldn't bear the presence of spirits, however, his shaman training was stagnating. Ahti had visited the spirit world to ask the Elders for advice and they'd counselled to be patient. Maybe he'd be cured upon reaching puberty or maybe this wouldn't happen. Maybe Iivo wasn't meant to tolerate spirits, and if that were the case, there would be a reason for it, as unfathomable as it might be to them. It was just another mystery, just like they didn't know the nature of the danger he'd have faced if he'd been raised by his birth parents. Or anyone's purpose in life in general.

At present, Iivo whimpered and Ahti got up to fetch more ice for the boy's forehead. However, Iivo's hand gripped Ahti's arm tightly. His eyes were still clouded with pain, but his voice was clear when he spoke.

"It is time."

Ahti nodded. He'd never spoken about it, not even with Gáiju, but he'd always sensed that one day Iivo would have to leave. When Viljami had fetched him from the reindeer pen two days ago with the news that Iivo was very sick again and Gáijus's spirit had stopped him on the way back to the goahti to tell him that the spirit of Tähti Koskinen of the Circle of Five had taken Iivo to the spirit world, Ahti knew that that day had now come.

"Will we see you again?"

Iivo smiled under tears but didn't say anything.

The following day, Ahti watched with a heavy heart as Iivo prepared to leave the settlement. Arttu's and Gege's faces were set in stone while Viljami, Arttu's younger brother, didn't succeed in blinking away his tears.

"My love will always shine like a beacon to guide you home, whether that be your home here at Arion settlement or in the spirit world," Ahti promised. The child bond between a young shaman and their parents would eventually be replaced by the anchor bond, but Iivo didn't yet have an anchor. Ahti sometimes thought that Arttu, Maija's first-born and Iivo's milk brother, would eventually have become Iivo's anchor, which may never happen now. He knew, though, that whatever was to befall his son, be it here or in the other world, he'd always be able to sense his spirit.

Thus they stood and watched in silence until Iivo's slight figure blended into the snow at the horizon.


	3. Chapter 3

The elements had been kind today, Iivo thought as he pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders. The wind had been in his back and when, after a long travel day, he'd decided to rest, the wind had led him to a snow drift large enough to dig a cave for him so he had a makeshift shelter for the night. Together with the earth, the wind had also provided kindling and enough firewood to make sure that he wouldn't freeze to death during his sleep. The fire, finally, not only gave him heat but also let him melt snow and boil water for tea.

After eating a strip of dried meat and a handful of berries, Iivo had laid down, but found that despite his exhaustion sleep evaded him. It wasn't the first time he was away from his home, the Arion settlement, but it was the first time he was away on his own. Nobody ever travelled alone because it was too dangerous. He didn't think that anyone but he would have been allowed to leave on his own, and his friends had not only offered but begged him to let them accompany him. Ironically, they'd wanted to come with him so they could protect him, and he'd had to decline their offer in order to protect them.

Still, although he knew he'd made the right choice, he missed their friendship as much as their body heat where they'd often share blankets to keep warm. But it wasn't possible. The only comfort he had was that Ahti would sense that he was alive and unhurt, just as he felt Ahti's weak but soothing presence deep inside him. Gáiju's spirit was probably watching him, too, but from enough distance so that Iivo couldn't notice him.

Actually, there was something else that gave him comfort. Iivo smiled when he pushed the blanket down despite the cold so that he could look at the small pouch that was fastened to a loose but sturdy leather string around his neck. Upon his departure, Arttu had handed it to him. It contained strands of hair from Arttu, Viljami, and Gege, woven into a braid with his own hair and that of his fathers. Iivo had fought hard to keep his tears back when he realised that Ahti must have sacrificed most of the strand of Gáiju's hair that he himself had kept after his partner's death. He wrapped his hand around this most precious gift and whispered a thank you to his friends and fathers, trusting that the wind would carry it to them even though not all of them could hear it.

As for company, Iivo's thoughts returned to the elements. As long as they existed, he'd never really be alone, and they were for eternity. His earliest childhood memories were of the elements, not all of them pleasant, but with time he'd come to understand that there always was a reason when they hurt or stood against him.

There was the day when he shouldn't have gone out because of the storm but he'd ignored the danger. It had almost cost him his life when he'd been buried under an avalanche and only the child bond had saved him because Ahti and Gáiju had sensed his terror and rescued him at the last possible moment. From that day on, he'd listened to the wind.

Although he hadn't yet understood back then that the wind had chosen him, he registered that he always found more firewood than the other children. Also, sometimes, the wind would pull off his hat and challenge him to run after it, to chase it. This never happened to any of the others, and he eventually began to think of the wind as a friend who teased him on occasion, just like he'd sometimes play-brawl with Arttu.

By the time he finally understood the special relationship between a shaman and the element that chose him, everything fell into place: other injuries he'd suffered, like when he'd almost drowned after breaking through the ice while fishing, or when he'd stumbled and the oil lamp he'd been carrying had shattered on impact and burned his foot. Following these incidences, he'd discovered that he could drill ice holes with an ease that the other villagers envied him for, and he could light a fire even without tuohi or if the wood was moist.

When, a little later, he'd accidentally touched a burning log, Iivo was surprised that he hadn't felt any pain and that there was no mark on his skin. Sáppá had then explained to him that this was another sign that the fire had chosen him. Sáppá had also warned him to always respect the power of the elements as they could still, like an insulted lover might, turn against him. Fire and wind especially had a temper whereas earth and water were calmer by nature, but this didn't mean that they should be underestimated.

Iivo had nodded, a little surprised by the notion that anyone might not respect the elements. In his eyes, they were magnificent and insulting them was the last thing on his mind. They deserved to be admired, and over time he began to think of them as a very special kind of friends. He felt humbled that such mighty powers had chosen him, yet instead of being intimidated, he loved them for it, and they rewarded him for his love and admiration.

As if to remind him of their presence, a gust of wind blew into Iivo's cave and the fire whooshed up for a second. He smiled. Reassured that he wasn't alone, Iivo finally fell asleep.

* * *

Nights being short at this time of the cycle of the eight seasons, Iivo knew that he couldn't have slept long but he felt rested. He thanked the fire and water for the tea and porridge he broke his fast on, then packed up his blankets and continued his journey.

In order to move fast he was travelling light – as light as possible. Tähti had said to take supplies for three days. In addition to the food he carried only his blankets and a spare set of clothing. Both were vital for survival. Although Iivo knew he could rely on the elements to keep him safe, he also knew that they wouldn't tolerate carelessness. He trusted them, but made sure to take precautions nevertheless to show his respect.

As already the previous day, the elements honoured him with their support. The weather was fair with the wind still in his back. The ground was covered with just the right amount of snow so that he didn't have to fear to slip like he would on sheer ice, nor did he lose time wading through deep snow. Despite the heavy burden that the purpose of his journey meant Iivo felt at ease.

Eventually, he reached a broad river that made him stop and ponder his options. Being the time of the Hay Moon, the ice was partially molten, which would make crossing the river impossible without a boat. Which way should he go, up or down river?

It was late afternoon and daylight would still prevail for several hours, so he decided to rest and have a meal while he figured out how to proceed. He made a small fire and had just eaten another handful of dried berries with his tea when a black dot moving in the distant snow caught his attention. A little later, he recognised an arctic fox that was, very unlike a fox's usual behaviour, approaching him. When it came closer, Iivo recognised that its eye colour, a greenish grey, was also highly unusual. Could this be the guide Tähti had promised to send?

His food supplies were scarce, but he dug a strip of reindeer meat from his pack and held it out to the animal. Coming even closer, the fox took it from Iivo's hand and gulped it down immediately. After accepting a second piece, the fox sat on its hind and cocked its head, looking impatient despite sitting down.

Iivo nodded. It was time to go. He shouldered his pack again and followed the fox along the river. Dusk was setting in, signifying that it was late evening, when he thought he could finally discern what looked like a thin line of smoke rising in the distance. The fox turned and Iivo saw in its eyes the confirmation that this was their destination, then the animal scampered off into the forest.

He was exhausted but determined to reach the settlement before nightfall. When he came closer, he was puzzled that there was, apparently, indeed only a single column of smoke, but maybe the settlement was small or the inhabitants lived together in a single dwelling to preserve heat. It wasn't long now that he'd find out.

Smiling, Iivo continued, picking up speed now that he was almost there. Suddenly, however, he felt a strong pull toward the river, where he noticed a large rock in the by now dim light. There was the forest on his left, so he couldn't see what the terrain was like further away from the river, but it was flat otherwise. Such a large rock could therefore only mean that this place was a sieidi, a site of power.

Hesitating to proceed closer to the rock, not only because he was cold and exhausted but also because spirits would be drawn to a sieidi, Iivo still noticed them too late. From the corners of his burning eyes he counted up to a dozen of them before the excruciating pain took over his consciousness.


	4. Chapter 4

The pain was the last thing he remembered, and it was the first thing he felt when he came to again. The headache, the nausea, the ringing in his ears, although Iivo couldn't yet remember what exactly had caused them, it could only be an encounter with a spirit. He knew that once the headache faded, memory would return, so there was nothing left to do but wait it out.

Wait it out and make sure he didn't puke all over the place. Iivo stretched out an arm and groped for the bucket that Ahti or his friends would place by the head end of his pallet. It wasn't there. He opened his eyes and cringed when the dim light sent another flash of pain through his head, then wondered if the fuzzy, swirling, reddish, double-vision that unfolded before his eyes was a dream: his surroundings were entirely unfamiliar. He recognised the sun and moon symbols as well as others he knew from his home, but he was sure he'd never seen this place before. However, he had to close his eyes again because he knew that the dizziness would make his nausea worse.

Just as he made to sit up and turn around and ask the person who was spooning him to keep him warm – most likely Arttu – what was going on, a hand on his shoulder pushed him down, gently but with determination, and a male voice he'd never heard before either told him that he needed to stay put.

"You're suffering from exposure," the man explained. "You need to rest and stay warm. Just tell me if you need anything and I'll see to it."

"Where am I?" Iivo managed, then immediately followed up with what was probably more important, "What happened?"

"You're at the Kukkolankoski settlement. My name is Lassi. As for what happened, we're not sure. My brother was on his way back from the river where he'd been ice-fishing when he heard a noise. He said it sounded like a wounded animal, and when he went to check on it, he found you by the Seita stone. You were unconscious and bleeding from your nose. He fetched me because he couldn't carry you alone and we brought you here. Jimi went back to get your backpack, but I'm afraid that's all I can tell you."

Iivo nodded – a mistake as it made the pain flare up again – and thought about what he'd been told. Thankfully, his memory began to slowly return. Kukkolankoski, the Kukkola rapids. Tähti hadn't mentioned the name of their village, but what with her family name being Koskinen and the fox guiding him here, this was probably Tähti's home. That a water shaman would choose to live close to a river also made sense to him. However, neither the name of her partner nor that of her shaman daughter – her foster daughter, his sister! – nor that of his brother were Lassi. Yet here they were in a kota that was obviously a noaidi's dwelling.

What was going on? Most of all, was The Drum still safe? Could he trust these people? Lassi had referred to the Sieidi as Seita; where was he from? Iivo groaned as the pounding in his head increased.

"Try and sleep," Lassi suggested. "It'll make you feel better and we can talk more later. Or wait, first, here's Jimi with tea that should help, too. Stay down, we got this."

By now, Iivo wasn't even sure if he could sit up, but when an arm slid under his neck and his head was raised very gently so that he could drink from the cup that was held against his lips, he thought that Lassi must know something about healing. Everyone knew, of course, how exposure was treated, an obvious survival skill in this world, but this way of feeding the sick...

His train of thought was interrupted when he tasted a herb that Ahti sometimes gave him to settle him down. Again he wondered, should he be worried? Were they maybe not trying to help him but drugging him to keep him from resisting? Did they know who he was and had they come to locate and take The Drum? Iivo felt panic rising that was at the same time quelled by the herbs.

"Sleep now." Lassi's voice sounded as if it was coming from a great distance, growing fainter as sleep pulled Iivo under again.

* * *

When he opened his eyes, the light didn't hurt them and his headache was only a faint echo of the former pain. Iivo sat up fearing the the pain would return, but it didn't. Sleeping, and likely also the draught he'd been fed, had helped. Whether this meant that he could trust his hosts, he still didn't know.

The low voices he heard from the other side of the fire stopped and a figure approached him. It was a young man of about his own age, Iivo observed. He had dirt blond hair and although the expression on his face was serious, Iivo saw a smile behind it. In some peculiar way, the man looked as if he were always smiling, there was something warm and comforting about him.

"Hei," the stranger greeted him and Iivo recognised his voice as that of the man who'd introduced himself as Lassi. "You look better. I hope you feel better, too." He was really smiling now and the sensation of warmth grew.

Iivo nodded and, unable to resist the man's pull, smiled back. "Yes, thank you, much better. And in addition to my gratitude for rescuing me I owe you an apology for not introducing myself earlier. My name is Iivo." He didn't think that revealing his name was a risk. Anything else would have to wait.

"Hei, Iivo," Lassi said. "As for gratitude, we are grateful that we found you in time. That Jimi found you in time," he stepped aside to let another man approach.

The newcomer had dirt blond hair as well, curlier than Lassi's and his face was rounder, which may be due to his youth. Iivo estimated that Jimi was probably about a year younger than he himself and Lassi, which would put him at about 16 sun cycles, although it was hard to tell: His eyes were those of an old man, eyes that had seen too much, eyes that had witnessed things that should never be witnessed, things that should never have happened. His body posture and face wore an expression of weariness and exhaustion – of his spirit rather than his body as he appeared to be otherwise healthy and in good shape.

Iivo had seen this before, back at his home, in refugees. Those who bore that expression sometimes no longer found the energy to keep on living, to perform simple tasks like eating and drinking once that they'd arrived at the Arion settlement, where food and shelter was available. These were often parents who'd developed unimaginable strength on their flight to find a safe place for their children, then faded away when they reached such a place.

Arttu had once described it as if they only then realised that they'd already died a long time ago and Maija had mused that maybe it was a final maternal instinct that made them think their children wouldn't be sent away if they were orphans. Ahti and Gáiju, together with everyone else at the settlement, did all they could to help. Some they could save, some they couldn't. Gege's parents were among those who hadn't lived, but before they'd passed Maija had sworn that she'd take care of their son.

Despite the impression of despondency, Jimi managed a smile. "It was a good day that allowed us to help you," he said softly.

They fell silent for a moment, then Lassi asked, "Will you join us by the fire? There's soup and we'll introduce you to Anton. He's..." He hesitated. "He's injured. Badly. He may not survive his injuries, but he's fighting to live and we're doing what we can to support his fight."

Iivo got up slowly and followed them to the other side of the fire. To say that the man introduced to him as Anton was injured was a major understatement. His face was a mass of bruises. At least the nose was broken, but Iivo thought that so were one cheekbone and his jaw. His arms and hands were bandaged and he'd been propped upright in a position that Iivo assumed was intended to ease his breathing, which suggested he had broken ribs. What further injuries were hidden under the blanket Iivo couldn't say, but it was unlikely that the rest of his body had been left unharmed, as it was clear that this degree of damage hadn't been caused by an accident. This man had been tortured and beaten to within an inch of his life.

The obvious question as to who had done this to him was on the tip of his tongue, however, upon seeing Anton and recalling how Lassi had cared for him, Iivo, there was another, more urgent question Iivo had to ask. He met Lassi's eyes and asked, "Are you noaidi?"

Lassi held his eyes but shook his head. "I wish I were," he said. "So that I could help Anton better, and also you, but I'm afraid I can't. The healers you've come to see are gone."

The healers he'd come to see? It made sense that Lassi would think that Iivo had come to this place in order to seek out the noaidi for an illness that had caused him to collapse with an excruciating headache and bleeding nose. Iivo suppressed a relieved sigh. He wouldn't be lying when he admitted to hoping that he could be cured, although he wouldn't disclose the exact nature of his ailment, namely that it was brought on by the presence of spirits. However, he now had an explanation for his questions, which would appear natural in his situation. "Where have they gone?"

"We're not sure," Lassi said seriously. "We live at a day's travel up-river from here but visit regularly for trade. When we came here six nights ago, we found the village ransacked and the inhabitants slain. The healers were not among the dead and since we can't imagine that they'd have fled and left their friends behind, we think that they must have been taken." He paused. "The attackers set all kotas on fire except this one. In here we found Anton to be the only survivor. He visited a few moons ago and stayed for a while but then he headed north again..." he hesitated.

"He isn't a soldier," Jimi said softly. "You can tell him. He needs to know." He turned to Iivo. "Anton may know of another healer."

Lassi nodded. "Anton was heading north to find that healer. We don't know why he returned here and he can't talk because his jaw is broken. Maybe if you wait... You're welcome to stay."

"It may not be safe, though," Jimi spoke again in his quiet voice. "The villagers were shot and the only faction that commands enough guns for this are soldiers. We must assume that we're their real targets, Lassi and I." He looked down. "All these deaths may be on us. Lassi, I can't... Please... Will you tell him?" When he looked up again, there were tears in his eyes. "I..." He turned around and walked away from the fire. Seconds later, Iivo heard the flap of the goahti open, then close again.

"Please sit," Lassi invited him and began, "This isn't an easy tale to tell..."


	5. Chapter 5

"Have you always lived in Lapland?" Lassi asked, but immediately corrected himself. "No, wait, let me rephrase that. What I mean is, how much do you know about Finland and the Lapland-Finland border?"

Iivo nodded. He got that Lassi wasn't trying to interrogate him but was probably asking so he knew how much he had to elaborate on what he was about to tell Iivo. "About Finland, all I know is that it's south of the border. About the border, well, originally, it is said to have been set up when the earth was poisoned to stop people from crossing into Finland and thereby spreading the poison to the south. Supposedly, it's also there because Finland is afraid that people from Lapland will invade her to steal food and other supplies. Finally, Finland is said to also be afraid that we would seek retribution for being imprisoned in Lapland. But I don't know if any of this is actually true," he admitted.

"Well, I'm sure our politicians – leaders," Lassi explained when he saw Iivo's questioning look, "would find much more pleasant words to cover this up, but I'd say you've got the purpose right. Now, in order to protect this border, a lot of manpower is needed. Therefore, a large contingent of military has been stationed in the north of Finland ever since... that event. Practically, this poses the problem that they and their families and anyone supporting them needs to be fed..." He interrupted himself.

"Which reminds me." He got up and stepped over to the fireplace where he ladled soup into two bowls and handed one to Iivo. "Might as well eat while we talk." Iivo accepted the bowl and Lassi resumed.

"The growing season in the far south is long enough to yield sufficient crop but up here, just south of the border, winter isn't much different from north of the border. In practice, this means that large amounts of grains and other supplies are – need to be – brought up here from the south."

Lassi ate a spoonful of soup. "My father works – or should I say worked – for the military. Not as a soldier but in charge of organising the food transports. We originally lived in the very far south, in the capital, a place called Helsinki," he explained, understanding that Iivo was probably not familiar with names and locations in Finland. Not that it mattered.

"When my father was ordered to Oulu – the town nearest to the border in the west – to coordinate the distribution of the goods from the south, my younger brother and I were very excited. We'd heard so many stories about the north, and now we were going to live there! Only, shortly before we were about to leave our home town, there was an accident and my brother got injured, badly. He needed surgery and follow-up surgery and all sorts of medical care for a while. Since my father's orders couldn't be cancelled, it was decided that he and I would move ahead to Oulu and my brother and mother would stay behind and join us there later." Lassi's ever-present smile turned sad.

"Once we'd arrived in Oulu, I continued school and volunteered at the hospital. See," he elaborated, "I missed my brother, so I thought if I found out that the doctors here could look after him as well as in Helsinki, he and mother could move in with us sooner. The woman I spoke with at the hospital suggested that I could learn best about the facilities if I spent time there. That's how she roped me into volunteering. It was a good decision as it kept me busy when Father was also very busy with his work and didn't have much time for me. Finally, after school and hospital, I spent what time I had left with Jimi." The smile returned to Lassi's face.

"He's the younger son of our neighbours in Oulu. His father was also with the military, also from the south, who'd married a local woman. Her father, Jimi's grandfather, was a hunter and fisherman, and Jimi grew up under his tutelage. He knows more about wildlife than I can even begin to imagine, and although I know next to nothing about any of this we hit it off immediately. He's the same age as my brother, so maybe I was looking for someone to fill the emptiness in me where my brother should be, I don't know, but we became close friends. He'd take me hunting and fishing. Not that I ever caught anything." Lassi grimaced and ate more soup.

"So, everything was great for a while, especially when it looked as if mother and my brother would join us sooner than expected because my brother was healing well. But then..." He set his bowl aside as if he'd suddenly lost his appetite.

"Father found out that a large part of the supplies that were shipped from the south never made it to the intended recipients. It took him a while, but eventually he figured out who was responsible. It turned out that one of his superiors was in league with criminals and made a fortune on stealing and selling goods that rightfully belonged to families here who needed it. Father wrote a report but he said he had to deliver it to Helsinki in person as he didn't know whom he could trust in Oulu." Lassi swallowed hard.

"Somehow, they must have found out," he said softly. "One evening, shortly before father planned to leave for Helsinki, we returned home to find mayhem next door. Our neighbours' house had been set on fire. When the firemen went in to see if there was anyone left to rescue, they found Jimi's parents and brother dead, with their throats slit." Lassi stopped speaking, unable to continue.

Iivo set his by now empty soup bowl aside and laid a hand on Lassi's arm. When Lassi's eyes met with Iivo's, Iivo didn't miss the tears in them.

"Jimi survived because he'd been away, fishing," Lassi resumed in a choked voice. "He's the one who called the fire brigade, he even ran into the burning house, but it was, of course, too late. We took him in and he told us that he'd passed two men on his way home who he was sure were responsible. They were drunk and bragged about having made sure that both a certain report as well as the man who'd compiled it had been destroyed. It was then that we understood – or in father's case found confirmed his suspicion – that the assassins had been after father and me." He snorted angrily. "Fucking thugs couldn't read, couldn't tell the difference between houses A and B." He wiped at his eyes.

"We also understood that they'd eventually realise their mistake and come back for us, including Jimi as a witness who could potentially recognise their faces. Running was our only option, so we fled. To the north because we assumed they'd think we'd head for the south and try to get the report to Helsinki." Lassi's voice slowly returned to normal.

"Although father and I didn't have a hand in the killing of Jimi's family, some would probably say that we were in some way responsible. Jimi never blamed us. He's the one who saved our lives. Without his knowledge and wilderness skills we wouldn't have stood a chance at surviving. He guided us, found food and shelter for the night and led us across the border on a path I'm sure the patrols would never know of. Eventually, we came upon the Kukkolankoski settlement." Lassi smiled again sadly.

"The people here offered that we could stay and live with them. We decided that Jimi and I would remain here for the time being while father would return and find a way to get his report to Helsinki after all. So he left, knowing we were safe. But after a while Jimi... He began to change. As long as I've known him he's always been an outgoing person, but now he was withdrawing from people. Eventually, he confessed to me that he didn't want to get attached to anyone for fear of losing them again. And that he was afraid that our presence was endangering the settlement as there'd be soldier parties looking for us." He looked down.

"At the time, I didn't think there'd be much risk of that, but now I'm not so sure. Back then, the healers said that Jimi needed time to come to terms with what had been done to his family. They told us about the place we then moved to, a cabin about a day's travel north from here. That's where we've been living for the past year or so. We still visit the village now and then, and when we came here six days ago..." He fell silent.

Iivo waited patiently as Lassi was caught up in his recent – bad – memories.

"Here's the thing," Lassi eventually spoke again. "We're reasonably sure that those who murdered the villagers and took the healers are soldiers. But if they'd come after us, why take the healers and not murder them along with the rest? Same if they were just after plundering. Mind, they stole the food and anything valuable, but still, why kill anyone? And if they were looking for us, wouldn't they have interrogated the villagers? They were all shot and the only one they tortured was Anton, who doesn't even live here. No," he shook his head, "nothing of this makes any sense... I'm sorry," he got up, "but I should go and find Jimi. Is it okay if I leave you alone with Anton meanwhile?"

"Sure," Iivo hurried to reply. "Also, if there's anything else I can do, please tell me."

Lassi shook his head. "There's nothing I can think of right now, but we can talk more later." He smiled. "I meant it earlier that you can stay as long as you like. As for now, I won't be long. I know the places Jimi withdraws to when he's upset. There's more soup and also tea, feel free to help yourself. We'll be back in a bit."

Iivo watched him as he put warm clothes on and left the goahti. Then he walked over to the fire and filled his bowl with more soup. It had been days since he'd had a proper meal. Sitting down again, he began to eat slowly. Now that he had arrived and had found shelter, he needed to think.


	6. Chapter 6

There was no doubt that what Lassi had told him was true. Nobody could make up such a gruesome tale and, furthermore, Jimi's appearance was proof if any was needed. From what Iivo knew about those living south of the border, they weren't concerned with the spirits and their powers because they either didn't know about them or didn't believe in them. It was, therefore, easy to conclude that Lassi and Jimi didn't pose a threat to his quest for The Drum.

The question remained as to how much he could tell them about himself and his journey. It was clear that they'd want to know more, even if they wouldn't ask him outright. His explanation that he'd come to seek out the noaidi's help with his illness wasn't altogether wrong. Now it also served as motivation to learn more about the other healer Jimi had mentioned, the one that Anton was supposed to know about. However, they'd still wonder why he was travelling alone, which was dangerous for anyone, let alone for someone suffering from a kind of illness that included fainting spells and seizures.

Nodding to himself, Iivo thought that if Anton could point him to this other noaidi, maybe he or she knew of something to help his condition. It would be an unexpected but welcome benefit of this trip, whose first and foremost purpose remained, of course, The Drum. In any event, it would be some time before Iivo could find out more about the other noaidi. It took at least a moon to heal a broken jaw. By then, if it was the elements' and spirits' will, he hoped to have located The Drum.

What he could also do meanwhile was help make Anton comfortable, at least as far as it was possible. Iivo got up and approached the pallet. However, before he could say anything, he observed that Anton's eyes widened as they focused on him.

"Terhi?!"

The word came out mumbled but there was no doubt that Anton had said his sister's name. Iivo flinched. If Anton noticed that his looks were close to his sibling's, why hadn't Lassi and Jimi recognised it, too? Or did they already know who he was? But how could they know? It only then occurred to him that Anton had actually spoken. "You can talk?" he asked.

"Hurts, but can," Anton confirmed. "Lassi said I shouldn't, though."

Iivo's heart rate picked up. If he'd understood right, Lassi had some background when it came to healing. It made sense that he'd advise Anton not to speak in order to spare him pain. On the other hand, could it be possible that Lassi had forbidden Anton to speak so that he couldn't communicate? Was there maybe something Anton could tell Iivo that Lassi didn't want him to know? And if the latter was the case, did it have anything to do with him or was it about protecting Jimi?

Questions over questions, Iivo thought, and they made his head hurt again. He still didn't think that Lassi meant him harm or that any of his doings were directly related to him, but...

Anton was still looking at him with eyes as widely opened as possible with his battered face. Iivo pulled himself away from his thoughts and spoke again. "I'm not Terhi," he said. "My name is Iivo. I'm... I've come to see the noaidi, but they're gone. Is there anything I can do for you? Some tea maybe?"

"No thanks, I'm good," Anton shook his head and winced. "Sorry. Tired."

"Then sleep." Iivo smiled. Anton being tired relieved him of making a decision regarding asking him any questions. If he tried to find out more right now about what had happened here it would feel like going behind Lassi's back. Also, Lassi and Jimi, who didn't yet have much reason to trust Iivo, would return any moment now, and finding him interrogating the sick man wouldn't help their – especially Jimi's – fears of being hunted down. Whether these fears were real or imagined, Iivo couldn't say, but it was clear that they felt very real to Jimi. What with the hardship Jimi had already suffered, Iivo wouldn't add to it by raising suspicion.

When Anton closed his eyes again, Iivo walked back to the pallet he'd slept on earlier. Maybe he should focus on practical issues for now. Although he'd rested earlier, he still felt deeply exhausted. There were two pallets in the goahti, which had to have been Tähti's and Terhi's and their respective partners'. Anton shouldn't share because any touch would cause him pain, so Iivo assumed that Lassi and Jimi slept on the one they'd bedded him on earlier.

Jimi had brought Iivo's backpack, so Iivo unrolled the leather mat he slept on when he travelled. It was just about enough protection from the frozen ground in a snow cave, which made it almost a luxury to sleep on in the goahti. He also unpacked his spare set of clothes and hung them by the fire to dry out any residual moisture and thus stop potential growth of mold.

While he was wondering whether he should scrub the soup bowl with sand or rinse it out, not knowing what resources were available, Lassi and Jimi returned. Jimi's eyes fell on the sleeping pad on the floor and he immediately shook his head.

"No, you should take the bed," he offered to Iivo. "I'm good sleeping on the floor."

Iivo opened his mouth to reply, but Lassi was quicker. "I think there's enough space on the bed for the three of us," he suggested. Iivo nodded. "If anything, we won't be cold," he commented and Lassi laughed.

"Nice and cosy," Jimi quipped, and for a moment the haunted expression on his face was replaced by a smile that gave Iivo an idea of what he must have been like before his family was murdered.

"I'll just go see if Anton needs anything before we retire," Lassi announced and made to move away.

"He can speak, you know," Iivo said and Lassi turned his head back to face him.

"I know," he confirmed, "but it's painful and he'll heal faster if he doesn't move his jaw. We tried to immobilise it with a bandage although that's not what he really needs, surgery and a plaster cast. You're right, though, I should have said he shouldn't talk rather than that he can't," Lassi explained. "Thank you for looking after him." He smiled. "And for looking out for him."

Iivo smiled back, relieved that his earlier momentary worry had proved unfounded. Once Lassi had gone to see about Anton, Iivo and Jimi shook out the blankets. Jimi didn't speak but the soft smile that formed on his lips whenever their eyes met told Iivo that he was comfortable with the situation.

Then Lassi returned and they settled in for the night.

* * *

_"No! Please, no!"_

The anguished cry woke Iivo up from deep slumber.

A second later, the cry was followed by a soothing voice that he recognised as Lassi's. "It was only a dream. They're not here. You're safe."

"I... sorry. And thank you." Jimi.

"It's okay. Go back to sleep. All is well."

There was a sigh from Jimi, then Lassi, who had taken the space in the middle of the bed, turned to Iivo and whispered into his hear, "He has nightmares. The healers gave us herbs for it but we've almost run out. That's one of the reasons we came here, but... We know where the healers keep a cache with herbs and other things, but we don't know which of the herbs are the right ones. So we decided to save the rest of what we still have for Anton as it also helps with pain."

Iivo's heart skipped a beat when Lassi mentioned the cache, but of course The Drum wouldn't be kept in a place anyone but the noaidi knew about, so he focused on the herbs for now. "Is that what you also gave me earlier?" he asked.

"You were in pain and you needed to rest, so yes, I gave you a little of it," Lassi replied.

"I know this herb. My father also gives it to me when I'm sick," Iivo explained. He hesitated, still not sure how much he should reveal about himself, but he understood now that, although he wasn't a healer, he had some knowledge that could help Jimi and Anton. "Maybe I can help," he offered.

"Anything you can do to help would be highly appreciated," Lassi whispered, "but not tonight. We all need to rest. I'll show you the cache in the morning. For now, you, too, go back to sleep."

Iivo didn't see Lassi's smile in the darkness, but he was sure it was there. He made up his mind. "I will," he said, "and then, tomorrow, we'll talk."


	7. Chapter 7

When he was woken up by the rustling of blankets and Lassi moving next to him, Iivo remembered immediately where he was and what had happened. Refreshed from sleeping well, he smiled at his host. However, when he got up, he noticed that his entire body felt stiff and sore.

Lassi looked at him worriedly. "Are you not feeling well?"

"I'm good, this isn't my... illness," Iivo reassured him. "I'm just sore from travelling. Two very long days of skiing, my body is reminding me that I'm not used to that," he explained dryly.

"I see," Lassi nodded. He cocked his head and smiled. "We should have a sauna later. Your body will welcome the heat and I think we all could use a proper wash."

"The sauna is mostly intact, I think," Jimi added. "I'll go check it out again and see if we can start heating it." He reached for his jacket.

"Let me help you," Iivo offered.

"Sure," Jimi smiled but immediately turned serious again. "I'd better warn you, though. The village is a grim sight."

He was right. When they stepped out of the goahti, Iivo blinked at the charred ruins. Although Jimi had tried to prepare him for this, it still came as a shock. Upon closer view, he found, however, that the destruction didn't look as complete as it should have been. The explanation that sprang to his mind wasn't one he could share, though: although they had their own, sometimes very destructive will, the elements must have refused to cooperate with the marauders. It appeared that fire and wind had allowed the snow to tame them, so that most of the dwellings were only partially burned. The elements' will would also serve as a reasonable explanation as to why the noaidi's goahti was left mostly unharmed.

Jimi looked at him but didn't speak. Iivo understood that Jimi was giving him time to process what he was seeing. He suddenly shuddered at the thought that an invasion like this one could also happen to the Arion settlement. What if he returned home to find his village destroyed and the people he loved murdered? His distress must have shown because Jimi laid a hand on his arm and squeezed it. Iivo inhaled deeply and felt Ahti's soothing presence stir inside him: His home was safe.

"Thank you," he whispered to Jimi, who nodded and led him down to the river. The sauna hut was blackened by fire on one side but appeared to be otherwise intact. The wood stack on the other side was also unharmed, which Iivo found surprising as he'd expected the invaders to have started the fire there, but it was, of course, good that they didn't have to spend time gathering wood now.

They didn't speak as they prepared the logs in the rock stove. Jimi got up and announced that he'd return to the goahti for kindling and fire he'd forgot to bring, but Iivo stopped him. "Wait," he said quietly. Since he'd made up his mind during the night, he knew that he was going to tell the others who and what he was. He hadn't known how to begin, but now he knew.

Still kneeling by the stove, Iivo laid his hands on the wood and smiled when the fire caught immediately. He whispered a thank you to the flames and stood. If he'd expected Jimi to gape at him he wasn't disappointed.

"How...? What...?"

Jimi looked puzzled, but Iivo found to his relief that he didn't look scared. "This... it's, well, kind of complicated...," Iivo hesitated. "I'll explain in a moment, when we're back with Lassi and Anton," he promised.

"Maybe not that complicated," Jimi said slowly. "We noticed it yesterday, that you look like her. Like Terhi. We didn't say anything or ask as it's none of our business, but we surmised that you haven't come to see just any healer but Tähti and Terhi in particular. That, what you did with the fire," he nodded toward the stove, "that's what only a shaman can do. My grandfather told me the little he knew about the Sámi beliefs and traditions, and when we came here, we found that although people in the south say it's just superstition, there's at least some truth in it. Although I've never seen Terhi do anything like this with the fire," he concluded.

"Terhi's element is water," Iivo elaborated. "And yes, she's my sister. I've never met her, though. I only learned about her a few days ago, but," he interrupted himself, "let's return so I can tell all of you." The sauna was built to hold a lot of people and it would take a good part of the day to heat. They'd have more than enough time to talk.

"Sure," Jimi said and they headed back toward the village. "Little detour," he announced as they passed by the noaidi's goahti. Now it was Iivo's turn to be surprised when they approached an animal pen with a reindeer.

"I caught her in the woods," Jimi said. "They took all the animals, but some must have escaped. There are tracks of at least one more." He pulled a bowl from his jacket and began to milk the reindeer. "And I'm afraid that this is for Anton only." He looked apologetic.

"No, I understand. You're right," Iivo assured him. With his broken jaw Anton couldn't eat solid food. Reindeer milk could make the difference between life and death for him.

They returned to the goahti where Lassi handed each of them a bowl with porridge. "I've already broken fast, so I can give this to Anton while you eat." He took the bowl with the milk from Jimi's hands. "We found hollow reeds," he explained. "Otherwise I wouldn't have known how to feed him." He fell silent as he walked over to Anton's pallet and sat on a fur-covered block of wood next to it.

Iivo and Jimi didn't speak as they ate. By the time they'd emptied their bowls Jimi got up and filled a kuksa with tea. He hesitated and bit his lip, then held it out to Iivo.

Something was going on. There was deep pain visible on Jimi's face and even a tear escaped to run down his cheek. "It... This... My father made this for me," Jimi whispered by way of an explanation.

"I'm sorry." Iivo could feel his pain. "I didn't mean to stare. And I brought my own." He got up, too, and fetched his kuksa from his backpack. Until now he'd never given it a second thought. He'd used it as long as he could remember, but he now also recalled that there was a tradition that parents would carve a kuksa for their unborn child. What if...?

"I've never met my parents," he said softly, "so I don't even know if they made this for me." Why had the thought never occurred to him before? "I was raised by foster parents and, just like about my sister, I only learned about my parents a few days ago."

Jimi nodded. They drank their tea in silence until Lassi joined them again. Then Iivo spoke up. "Let's talk. I owe you an explanation. Since you said that Anton could point me toward a noaidi, he should hear this, too."

"You don't owe us anything," Jimi said softly, "but we're here to listen and help if there's anything we can do." Lassi nodded his confirmation. They carried the wooden stools they'd been sitting on from close to the fire over to Anton's pallet and sat down.

"Hei, Anton," Iivo began, meaning to introduce himself again, but Anton shook his head vehemently. What with his broken jaw it must have been excruciating, but the determination in his eyes couldn't be missed.

"No," Anton hissed through clenched teeth. "Don't tell me anything. The soldiers will return and I'll tell them. Like I told them before. Everything. I told them where to find the healers. Told them of their powers. Betrayed everyone here after they offered me a home. Betrayed Terhi. And now they're all dead because of me."


	8. Chapter 8

Iivo sat stunned for a moment, wondering why anyone would betray their friends, but then he shook his head at his lack of awareness: Anton's injuries spoke very clearly. The only excuse he could think of was that unlike Lassi, Jimi, and Anton, he'd always lived a sheltered life.

Lassi spoke the words Iivo couldn't find. "You've been tortured," he said very gently. "I've seen what they did to you. Please don't blame yourself. Nobody can tolerate that kind of torture without breaking. It wasn't your fault."

"That's what she said," Anton slurred. "Terhi." He blinked. "She said that only someone who didn't know the answer they were looking for wouldn't have told them what they wanted to know." He drew a raspy breath. "She forgave me. But I can't. I killed her."

"You're not the one who killed those people, the soldiers did," Lassi pointed out, but Anton shook his head. He didn't speak but he didn't have to, it was clear on his battered face that he still considered himself responsible because the soldiers could only slay the village if they knew where to find it.

_Slay the village..._ Iivo thought. But the noaidi hadn't been killed, at least not during the massacre. Tähti and Tapani had been killed, but they'd been taken into captivity first. For all Iivo knew, Terhi and Risto were still alive. Then another thought hit him: If Terhi had forgiven Anton, he must have been there during the attack.

But first things first. Iivo wouldn't consider himself a healer, but he still felt the urge to ease Anton's pain. Only, how could he share what he knew without having to explain how he knew? He'd decided to trust the others, but Anton had made very clear that he didn't want to know, and Iivo would respect that wish. Maybe... yes, this might work.

"Why do you think they're dead?" he asked. "Lassi and Jimi said that everyone was killed, but that the noaidi are gone. They're not among the dead, so they must have been taken." In view of Anton's injuries, maybe being taken captive was an even worse fate than death, but he didn't spell that out. Instead, he said, "It means there's hope. We can try to find them, free them."

Iivo didn't fool himself: this was unlikely to happen, but maybe it served to lessen Anton's feelings of guilt. He continued, "Lassi and Jimi told me that you may know of another noaidi. Maybe he or she could help."

"I know of another couple," Anton confirmed, "but not where to find them. Which is a good thing because otherwise I'd have betrayed their locations, too. When Tuomas told Pyry where to find the Liimataiset, I wasn't listening, and when I went north, I wasn't looking for Jyrki as much as for his apprentice, Noora. Terhi said they'd send me a guide when I got closer because their place was hard to find. And Tuomas, well," he closed his eyes, "Nightwish camp is... was my home, so I knew where it was. By now they're probably dead, too." He fell silent.

Not quite able to follow Anton's ramblings in the first place, Iivo missed most of them anyway after he heard the name. _The Liimataiset._ Toivo and Mielikki Liimatainen were his and Terhi's parents! It cost him an effort to keep still, but, thankfully, Lassi's and Jimi's attention was fully focused on Anton.

"I should have never come here," Anton was just saying. "But Rolf..." He interrupted himself. "I should probably start at the beginning."

"Are you sure?" Lassi asked. "We can see that speaking causes you pain and you need to rest. You have a concussion."

Anton snorted, at least that was what it sounded like. "Actually, a concussion is what started this whole mess," he said. "Rolf had one, So, yes, let me tell you." He thought for a moment as if to collect his thoughts, then began.

"Antti brought the kid to us just before last Swan Month. We called him the kid because although he's probably of my age, he just looks like a kid. Behaves like one, too. Now, Antti works for the Red Cross. He drives trucks with supplies from the south and the border guards sometimes let him pass so he can bring stuff to us poor folk doomed to live in Lapland. The guards think that he takes food to Altaria camp, who are a bunch of religious nutcases, but he always brings us some, too."

"So this time he brought not only food but this kid. Said he found him half dead on the road outside Tampere. Apparently, from what we could make out of his ramblings, the kid's house took a shell during a raid. He ended up with a concussion and inhaled some crap. His parents didn't make it."

"Been there, done that." 

Anton sounded unconcerned, but Iivo thought it served to conceal his real feelings. Sometimes, pretending that everything was fine was a means to deal with loss and catastrophes, as he'd learned from refugees after they'd found their way to the Arion camp.

"They'd been on the road for a week and it turned out that the kid already spent a week in a hospital before Antti found him, so the concussion should have cleared up by then, but the kid said he had a headache and refused to come out of bed. We took to calling him Princess because that's what he behaved like, like refusing to wash unless we heated the water for him, complaining that Tarja's bread was too hard, that he couldn't eat vegetables unless they were peeled, demanding we peel them for him, and so on."

"Eventually, we began to think he only claimed to be sick as to avoid his part of chores. So yes, of course he missed his parents, but that's what happened to most of us. Like, a bunch of us are not originally from the north either but from Helsinki. First day in kansakoulu, elementary school, bombs destroyed the annex where our parents were waiting for us after our first day in class. All of our parents died, a few of us kids survived and clawed our way out through the rubble."

"Nobody seemed to care about what happened to us. We didn't know what to do until one of us, Noora, said we needed to head north. She kept nagging and urging, so eventually we left Helsinki, mainly so that she'd shut up. We quickly learned to survive the hard way. If begging didn't get us food, we'd steal. We knew that we only had a chance if we stuck together. One of the girls had a broken foot, so we dragged her with us on a plastic sheet until we managed to steal a kick sled. We also learned to hunt, make fire in the wilderness, build shelter for the night. Some died, others joined, but we always stayed together."

"I have no idea how long it took us to get to Lapland, months, maybe even years, but Noora made sure we kept on the move. We somehow got across the border, but then Noora vanished one night in a snow storm. While trying to find her, we stumbled into Nightwish camp. They took us in and helped us search for Noora, but she was gone."

"So what had kept us alive back then was not being alone. When Antti arrived with the kid we had an idea of what he'd been through and thought we'd keep him company to help, but he didn't want us. He didn't want anyone, claimed he had a headache all the time, and that's when we began to think he was pretending. Then the puking started, not hard to fake either, we were pissed because of the wasted food. But after a while, weird stuff started to happen while he slept, like things floating around in the air. By then we were not so much annoyed but creeped out."

"Turned out that all of this only ever happened when Tuomas was playing with his witch drum. Some sort of mumbo-jumbo thing he's got going on, contacting the spirits, yada yada. I never believed in that, thought maybe the kid just doesn't like the noise, but yeah, every time Tuomas brought out the drum Rolle would get a headache and nosebleed, then he'd puke and sometimes pass out. Tuomas said it was because he didn't believe in the existence of the spirits who were trying to get his attention."

Again, Iivo found it hard not to react: headaches, nosebleeds, vomiting, convulsions, fainting, it all happened to him, too, whenever a spirit was present! Unlike Rolf, he believed in them, knew they were real, but he still suffered in their presence. He had to meet this Tuomas, obviously a noaidi. But Anton had also said that he'd told the soldiers the location of the Nightwish camp...

Iivo forced himself to return to listening to Anton.

"Tuomas asked if any of us would travel to some other so-called shamans, weirdos like him, to ask if they knew how to help Rolf and get him to accept the spirits' existence. I volunteered, and so did Pyry. He's still, even after all those years, hoping to find Noora again one day. Claims he feels she's still alive. Meanwhile, we all hoped to find a cure, but I also didn't mind getting away for a while from cleaning up the kid's puke and nosebleeds and listening to his whining." 

"So I got instructions on how to find the Koskinen settlement and Pyry drew Altaria camp. Not the same as the zealots Antti keeps delivering to, but home of the Liimatainen shamans, whoever they are. We left Nightwish and went our separate ways. That's how I came here."

"Terhi and Tähti recognised the kid's problem but didn't know of a cure. They said they'd contact the spirits and invited me to stay. They... Terhi told me more about the spirits and all that, and call me surprised, but by now I actually believe in what they and Tuomas kept saying. But those spirits didn't have an answer either, and neither did some other shamans they said they met in the spirit world."

"Terhi offered that I could stay and live with them. Since there was no point in going back without an answer, I accepted. But then, one day, they mentioned that one of the other shamans, guy named Jyrki, who lives not too far away from here, has an apprentice called Noora. The way they described her, blond, very determined, sounded like she could be Pyry's Noora. The age fit, too, so I thought I'd go see if I could find her. That's when I was caught and," he shuddered, "questioned. The rest you know."

Iivo still wanted to ask how it came that Terhi had forgiven him, how they must have met again, but he'd also noticed how Anton's voice was so slurry now that they could barely understand what he was saying.

He wasn't the only one who'd noticed. "You need to rest now," Lassi declared.

Anton made a sound that Iivo interpreted as consent and they rose to let him sleep. Lassi motioned to the door flap, indicating they should go outside. Once they'd dressed and left the goahti, Jimi suggested they go to the sauna. The stove would need more wood eventually and it would be warm there, so they agreed.

"Until now, Jimi and I only knew a part of what Anton just told us," Lassi explained on their way. "Terhi had told us that he'd come seeking for answers but not the details. Not that any of it was of our concern."

They walked the rest of the way in silence. Once they were in the slowly warming sauna hut and sat on the benches, Iivo said softly, "A lot of what he said relates to me, too."

Lassi nodded. "Then this is a good place to talk."


	9. Chapter 9

"So," Iivo began but immediately stopped again. He knew that and what he wanted to tell his new friends, but where should he begin?

"If you don't want – or can't – tell us, that's perfectly fine," Lassi assured him. "Sometimes being safe demands silence and you don't have a reason to trust us."

"It isn't that I don't trust you," Iivo shook his head, "but I don't know where to start. It's... There are things in my life, vital things, that I myself only learned about a few days ago."

"Then take as much time as you need to think," Lassi encouraged him and Jimi added with a weak smile, "Maybe you want to start at the beginning."

It made them chuckle and Iivo nodded. "Yes, that's probably a good place to start. Listen, then. I was raised by foster parents in a village two days of hard travel to the north east from here. One of my fathers was Sámi, the other is a Finn, and they both are shamans. As are my birth parents – whom I never met, though – and," he took a deep breath, "I, too, have what some would call 'the gift.' Although in my case it's, at least in some aspects, a curse rather than a gift," he muttered.

"See, like the one called Rolf that Anton told us about, I get sick in the presence of spirits. Headaches, nosebleeds, seizures. Only, while in Rolf's case Anton says it's because he denies that they exist, not only do I believe in the spirits, but I can actually see them, hear what they say, and even talk to them, but afterward I'm often sick for several days."

"Is that what happened when we found you at the Seita place?" Lassi asked.

Iivo nodded. "The Seita, or Sieidi as we call it, are places of power. The Sieidi here is where one would expect the spirits of the recently dead of the village to gather. In hindsight, I know I should have kept my distance, but I was drawn toward the place, maybe because I felt their confusion and fear, as not all of them have accepted their death and found their way to the spirit world."

"When we arrived here and found the people slain, we realised we couldn't build a pyre large enough for all of them," Jimi explained quietly. "We knew that the Seita was a special place, so we took their bodies there and lit a fire on the ice so it would melt and allow us to bury them there in the water. Now, we don't know much about the spirits, but it makes sense they'd gather there." He looked as if he was about to say more, but didn't.

"If you hadn't found me in time, I'd have frozen to death." Iivo looked at him and Lassi openly, biting his lip as a shadow of the spirit pain ghosted through his head. "But they didn't mean to harm me. They're confused and scared, and probably angry as well, but their anger isn't directed at us. Still, I'd better avoid the Sieidi for the time being," he grimaced.

"But be that as it may, my sensitivity to the spirits impeded my shaman training. I cannot call on my ancestors' knowledge, nor can I beat a witch drum or ask rune bones to help make the right decision." He interrupted himself. "You lived with Terhi and the others, are you familiar with drums and bones?"

When Lassi and Jimi gave confirming nods, he continued. "My fathers taught me ways of healing that don't depend on spirits. That's what I meant last night, how I may be able to help you with those herbs," he looked at Lassi.

"I am also, not sure how to call it, a friend of the elements. They help me do things. Like this morning when I put my hand on the wood in the stove and asked fire to light it for me. Or I can ask ice to melt when I need a fishing hole. But as long as the presence of spirits makes me ill, I cannot advance further in my shaman training."

He smiled weakly. "Don't get me wrong. I'm content. Just trying to explain why I don't have the skills Terhi has."

Iivo fell silent for a moment. "You both as well as Anton noticed that I look like her. I wasn't aware of it when I came here. Until a few days ago I wasn't even aware that I have a sibling, but then I learned that she's my sister when her foster mum, Tähti, contacted me. That's how I know that she and Tapani are dead and that Terhi and Risto are alive but in captivity." He swallowed and whispered, "I never met any of them, and now I likely never will."

Without a word, both Lassi and Jimi reached out and hugged him. Although Iivo hadn't known them for long, they clearly cared. It was almost as if he were with Arttu, Viljami, and Gege, and he breathed a little easier. It was good to be with friends again.

Eventually, they loosened the embrace, but Jimi's hand was still on his back and Lassi was leaning against him when Iivo spoke again. "You're probably wondering why I am here, and that's something I cannot tell you. Tähti asked me to come here to do something for her, something that I don't really understand myself, except that it must not be spoken of, not even among other noaidi. I assure you that it has nothing to do with you or me not trusting you," he apologised.

"Please stop worrying." Lassi took his hand and squeezed it. "I meant it when I said you don't have to tell us anything. By revealing that you're a shaman, you've proved your trust and although I can't say I understand the ways of shamans, I'm sure there's a very good reason why some things are to be kept hidden. Just know that if there's anything we can help you with you need but say it. Right, Jimi?"

"Yes," Jimi confirmed. "We're here if you need us."

"I... Thank you." Iivo wrapped his arms around them and they hugged again. Tähti had set him a demanding task, and although he'd willingly accepted it, he now felt that the heavy burden laying on his shoulders was considerably eased by their offer of support.

"I can't help wondering, though," Jimi mused, "if this is a safe place for you. If the soldiers that ransacked the village were after me, you'd be, well, not exactly safe as they'd probably kill all of us anyway," he stiffened. "But if they came for the shamans, if I understand right, you'd be in far greater danger than death. If that makes any sense."

Iivo took a deep breath. "Unfortunately, it makes sense," he admitted, "and considering that the noaidi were taken captive, it stands to reason that the soldiers did come for them. If they should return I'd better not be found, but where would I go?" He sighed. It hadn't occurred to him until now, but Jimi had a very valid point – and it wasn't only his own life that would be in danger. "If I stayed here and they returned and found you here with me..." He swallowed. there was but one solution. "I must leave. I need to talk to Anton again as to where I can find that other shaman."

"From what Anton said, it's possible that they already came here a second time," Lassi said. "I'm not sure, but when Jimi and I found him, he said something that made it sound as if he'd escaped his capturers and came here to warn the settlement, yet found them all dead and the shamans gone. That Terhi and Risto took care of him could mean that they weren't here during the initial attack, but that the attackers returned later and only then captured them, too," he explained seriously.

"They'd have known of both Tähti and Terhi from torturing Anton, but even Tähti and Terhi didn't – and in Terhi's case still don't – know of my existence," Iivo pointed out. "So if they already came here a second time, I think we could be safe here for the time being. Well, as safe as one can possibly be at least. Still, I should probably leave this place anyway and not put you in danger."

He didn't know where The Drum was, but so far he'd assumed it would be kept near the village. Neither did he know what exactly his duties as its guardian would encompass. He needed to talk to Tähti again, not something he was looking forward to, but it had to be done. Only then could he think about leaving for another potential place, which meant it had to be done soon.

"I shall need to confer with Tähti's spirit again," he said softly, "so that she can instruct me where I can go."

"Well, we know of another place," Jimi said. "We could go to our cabin. I'd come with you. We meant to return there as soon as Anton is better. Whether it be with him or without him will be up to him, but in any event, he's not ready yet. Lassi will stay here and take care of him – he's the one who has experience in looking after the sick – while I'd come with you. I insist on it," he shook his head when Iivo made to protest. "Travelling alone is too dangerous, especially in your case. What if you meet a spirit again and pass out in the snow?"

"That..." Iivo was too overwhelmed to speak. "I don't know what to say."

"Then accept that we're not leaving you alone in this," Jimi begged.

"At the very least allow us to look after you when you speak with Tähti," Lassi added.

Iivo shuddered. "I really don't want to burden you with this. I wish there was a way to let her know to meet me in a place where I don't risk freezing to death. Then you could just ignore me until I'm back on my feet after a few hours."

"Well, you'd better steer clear of the Seita site, but couldn't one of us go there and ask the spirits to let Tähti know that you're waiting for her, say, here in the sauna?" Lassi suggested practically. "I mean, can the spirits perceive those of us who are still alive?"

"They can," Iivo confirmed. "And although not all of them have yet found their way to the spirit world, I'd assume that Tähti would stay close to them. They're her people, after all."

He swallowed. "Would you really do that?"

Lassi and Jimi exchanged a look. "I'll go right now if you like," Lassi offered.

"And I'll stay with you, also while you and Tähti, um, talk?" Jimi raised his eyebrows. "Not sure how this works, but if you want, I can stay right here by your side. I could even tell her to leave if it gets to be too much for you. Although I'm sure she'd know that better than I would, her being a healer and all."

"I don't know myself how it works either," Iivo admitted, "but none of the friends who were with me when Tähti and I met for the first time reported that I ever said anything. I..." he looked down a little shyly, "I think I'd feel better if someone were with me. Maybe you could stay and only leave if I actually started speaking? But first of all, Tähti would need to know that I'm awaiting her."

Iivo shuddered again. In the past, once Ahti and Gáiju had warded their goahti such that spirits were warned away, spirits had either come upon him accidentally, or, in Tähti's case, she'd sought him out on purpose, but without announcing her visit. This time, he'd know what was going to happen, and although he knew it was necessary, he wasn't looking forward to the agonising pain.

Jimi squeezed his shoulder. "I'll be here then as long as I can."

"And I'll go see if I can deliver a message." Lassi got up. "Rest assured that whatever happens, we're not leaving you alone."

After Lassi had left, Jimi kept his hand on Iivo's shoulder, offering comfort as they waited.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter: warning for suicidal thoughts.

"You know," Jimi began, then hesitated. Between him and Lassi, he was the less talkative, and when he spoke, it was clear that he weighed his words carefully. Iivo gave him an encouraging smile, and Jimi continued. "When... After..." He hesitated again.

Jimi's hand was still resting on Iivo's shoulder, providing comfort. Now Iivo laid his hand on Jimi's thigh to offer the same in return. Jimi blinked and thanked him with a smile before taking a deep breath and starting anew.

"My grandfather, who taught me about fishing and hunting, also taught me what he knew about Sámi beliefs and traditions," he began. "It wasn't much, but he said that there were shamans that could communicate with the spirits of the dead. He... He died a few weeks before..." Jimi swallowed and Iivo tightened his grip on Jimi's knee a little, which got him another small smile.

"Back then, and even more... later... I wished I could do that. Talk to the spirits. So I could tell my," he heaved a sigh, "family how much I love them. Which I should have done while they were... alive..." He bit his lip.

"Before Ukki passed, he fell ill and he knew he was dying. He told me. I spent every spare minute I had with him, told him over and over how much I loved him and how much I'd miss him. He promised me that although I wouldn't be able to see him, his spirit would come visit me..." Jimi blinked again and it was clear that he could barely hold his tears back, so Iivo too his hand from his thigh and wrapped it around his shoulders.

"But he was old and sick," Jimi continued in a shaking voice, "whereas..." He fell quiet and bit down harder on his lip.

"One of my fathers passed away last Dark-Period-Moon," Iivo whispered. "I miss him so much..."

They sat in silence, each taking comfort from being close to another who understood the pain of loss.

Eventually, Iivo spoke again. "After Gáiju passed, I asked Ahti to call his spirit. I couldn't imagine that the spirit of a loved one would hurt me, but it wasn't his spirit that caused the pain, of course. We tried, over and over, hoping that exposure to his spirit would be a cure for me, but it didn't work... Gáiju said not to ever give up hope that one day this may yet happen. Until then, he refuses to visit me, but he always sends his love when Ahti meets him."

He swallowed. "I know this must sound crazy, but I even miss the pain his presence causes."

"No, it doesn't sound crazy," Jimi replied softly. "Or maybe to anyone who hasn't lost someone they love it would sound crazy, but... Don't get me wrong, I'm not making light of your condition, but I imagine I'd be willing to take a lot of pain if I could see my family again."

He bit his lip again and looked down. "When Ahti gives you Gáiju's love... That's what Terhi did for me. When we first came here..." He hesitated. "Is it all right for you if I speak about her? I don't want to cause you further pain."

Iivo smiled. "I'd love to hear about her. What she's like, anything. All I know from what you and Anton said is that she and I look alike."

"You do," Jimi confirmed, "but at the same time you don't," he added. He was smiling weakly, too, now. "At first look, you have a lot in common, but there are also differences. Her hair is a different shade of red than yours and her eyes are blue... They're what I first noticed when we arrived here. When she looked at each of us... I somehow knew she could feel our pain, our exhaustion, our fear. She took us in without hesitation, made her home our home. She gave us food and shelter and made us feel safe. And... she also made us feel loved, I don't know how to describe it any better."

He looked Iivo in the eyes and continued in a quiet voice. "If I were asked to describe her, the fist thing that comes to my mind is that she had love for everyone. I... we talked a lot, later, and she explained that, being a healer, not only the body of a sick person needs to be healed, but their spirit, too. If a spirit isn't loved, it eventually withers and goes dark. If that happens, it often means that the person has forgotten how to love himself. She... she sensed that was what was happening to Lassi and me." Jimi blinked.

"See, Lassi was feeling guilty for my family being murdered. Of course, it wasn't his fault and as much as I mourned them, I'd have never blamed him for any of it, but he was convinced that he was responsible. When Terhi told me I was shocked. I'd had no idea he was feeling this way. I thought he wanted to be on his own in order to deal with what had happened and so I'd given him space. She said sometimes people react in inexplicable ways to tragedy and he may have interpreted my giving him space as confirmation that I blamed him for the death of my family. Without her, I'd have never known that he hated himself in my stead. She made us talk and that, in her terms, returned the light to both our spirits."

Jimi closed his eyes. "Lassi's spirit wasn't the only that had gone dark. As I said, I felt guilty, too, for not having told my parents and brother how much I loved them and for taking them for granted although I should have known better, especially after Ukki had died. If Lassi and his father hadn't insisted on taking me in that night, I'd have returned to the forest and..."

He stopped speaking. Iivo tightened his arm around Jimi's trembling shoulders.

"Then Lassi's father said we had to leave immediately because the men who'd done this would return once they realised their mistake. I was to come with so they couldn't kill me, too, but at the time I only wished they'd leave me behind so that the murderers could do just that. All I wanted was to be with my family again. But then, Lassi's dad said we needed to head north first and find a safe place to hide where nobody would expect us to go." Jimi smiled painfully.

"They were from Helsinki, from the south, and they wouldn't survive a single day out in the wilderness on their own. So I knew that unless I wanted them to perish, I had to guide them. After we'd finally made it here, being offered a safe home, I was going to one day not return from hunting or fishing." Jimi looked into Iivo's eyes again. "Don't worry, that isn't going to happen now, at least not on my own volition, and I owe that to Terhi. As I said earlier, she saw the darkness not only in Lassi but also in me."

Jimi's eyes filled with tears, but he was smiling at the memory. "One day when I could hardly wait to leave this world, she came up to me and said there was someone who needed to talk to me. I was so resigned that I never questioned it and merely followed her to the place they call the Seita. And there..." The trembling grew stronger.

"I needn't tell you that it's a place of power where also the spirits of the dead gather. I didn't know it then, but Terhi told me – later, as she wasn't sure if I'd refused to come with her if I'd known what she was going to do. As it was, she made me sit down, then sat opposite of me and took out her drum. It... I can't explain what was going on, but after a while, she... She..."

He was crying openly now. "My parents and my brother were there. They... through her... told me how much they loved me. I couldn't see them, but I felt... I cried and she cried with me, told me again and again that they knew how much I loved them, how much I missed them, then finally that they'd be waiting for me, but that they wanted me to live out my life first, for myself and for them. That time didn't count where they were, and that they'd always be with me even though I couldn't see them..." He looked up in alarm. "They aren't here right now, are they? I don't want you to be in pain, but I wouldn't know how to tell them to stay away when I'm with you..."

_"When you arrived here, I asked them not to come to the village but remain at the Seita."_

Red hot agony exploded in Iivo's head: Tähti's spirit had joined them.


	11. Chapter 11

When the first wave of pain hit, Iivo's hands flew to his temples, involuntarily letting go of the hug. Through the red haze, he sensed that Jimi was still holding him and that it was wrong, it should be the other way round, but...

_Focus,_ he told himself. He may not have much time before he passed out or started seizing. _You need to focus._ There were so many questions he wanted to ask, most of all about Terhi, about his family, but also, what was he supposed to do next? What had happened to Anton? Was there maybe news about Lassi's father?

What he should ask about first was, of course, why he'd called Tähti in the first place: should he leave? With Jimi? If so, what about the drum? However, what came out of his mouth when he finally regained enough strength to speak was something entirely different.

"I don't want them to stay away," Iivo blurted out. "His loved ones should be with him."

He could make out that Tähti smiled when she replied. "They don't follow his every foot step," she explained. "The dead aren't that different from the living. They let him live his life, like they did before they were murdered. When they come to see him and you're there, they'll simply come back at another time. Don't you worry. All is fine."

She turned serious again. "But that isn't why you asked for me."

She was right, of course. Iivo remembered just in time not to nod as it would spark more pain. "No, I..." The pain increased nevertheless and he focused on his breathing for a moment before he could speak again.

"Jimi suggested that I may be in danger here. He offered to take me to their cabin instead of staying here..." He had no intention of leaving Lassi and Anton behind. Maybe there was a sled for Anton...

_Focus._

"I think that is a good plan," Tähti agreed.

"But what about the... goavddis?" Iivo still wasn't sure if he was speaking out loud or if his and Tähti's spirits were communicating on another plane, so he used the Sámi term for the Drum to ensure that Jimi wouldn't understand what he was saying.

"The Drum is hidden in a Seita close to the cabin," Tähti informed him. "My forefathers built the first cabin there when the missionaries declared, under pain of death for the owners, that all Drums must be destroyed. Living in the cabin, the noaidi could be close to the Drum without betraying its presence." She paused before elaborating.

"The Seita is formed by large boulders with a space underneath. That is where you will find the Drum. A thick layer of ice seals off the entrance, so that even if you know where to find it you still need the elements' help to access it." Tähti smiled again. "The elements have a fondness for you. They'll be with you there."

This time, Iivo remembered too late that he shouldn't move. Tears were streaming from his burning eyes when he croaked, "Then... I suppose... I'll go with Jimi... and..."

"Don't worry about Lassi and Anton. You're all quite safe here, the soldiers won't be coming back," Tähti reassured him as if she'd read this earlier thoughts. "They tortured Anton for information, but he could tell them only what he knew. He never met Lassi and Jimi, and even I wasn't aware of your existence until I died and your parents told me." She smiled sadly.

"You should head north for the Drum, not because you're in any danger here. Thus," she frowned, "I should leave now before you get too sick to travel. Rest for another day, then go find the Drum. We shall speak again at another time." She hesitated.

"Thank you," Iivo pressed out, not sure if she was waiting for him to dismiss her.

"I know that this is important to you, so please tell Jimi that Aarni sends his love. So do Gáiju, Ahti, and your friends. And Lassi's father is still travelling, but he's safe." Tähti smiled at him a last time and then she was gone.

The pounding pressure in his head relented only by a fraction, but Iivo knew from experience that it would probably reach a tolerable level within a day. He wouldn't enjoy travelling but he'd be able to do it. As his senses slowly became aware of his surroundings again, he noticed how much his body was shaking and that Jimi was still holding him.

"I'm back," he announced. His voice sounded as if it were coming from far away.

"Is there anything I can do?" Jimi asked, clearly worried.

"No, just... keep... what you're doing already... And..." Iivo cleared his throat. Speaking cost him an effort, but this was important. " Tähti said... to tell you that... Aarni... sends his love..." The world became a swirling mist and he felt bile rise in his throuat.

"Here, drink this." A cup was held against his lips, and Iivo complied. Swallowing the bitter draught, he recognised the herbs from the day before.

"Lassi made it for you, said it would help with the pain," Jimi explained. "He also said to let you rest, so let me help you lie down here. The sauna is warm and it'll save you from walking back to the kota for now."

"Thanks," Iivo whispered hoarsely, still afraid that speaking up would make him vomit, "but I think I'd rather go out. Fresh air sometimes helps with this."

"Of course." Jimi nodded, but kept his arm around Iivo's shoulder. "Can you walk?"

"Let's find out." Iivo stood and thought that although his legs felt shaky, he wouldn't need help. With Jimi holding him, he nevertheless felt more confident.

When they'd made it to the door and Jimi opened it, however, the light outside stabbed another lance of pain into Iivo's eyes and he feared that his knees would buckle after all. A moment later, the light was shut out as something was being wrapped around his head. "Let us rest here for a while," Jimi instructed as he led him to the small bench next to the sauna's entrance and made him sit down.

Breathing in the cool air, Iivo felt the nausea and the pounding in his head slowly recede. Again, Jimi had an arm around his shoulders to support him – and let him know he wasn't alone. It wasn't until now that he realised how much the burden of his task had lightened from finding that he wasn't all on his own in this.

"Aarni send his love," he repeated when he thought he had his stomach under control again.

Jimi was silent for a moment, then he replied quietly, "You shouldn't have... I already knew from what you said how much it hurts you to speak with Tähti, but now that I've seen it for myself... I know that Aarni loves me..." Iivo heard him swallow. "But thank you. Thank you." Jimi's voice was hoarse.

"Tähti considered it important to have me give you his love," Iivo said slowly. "I can feel how much it means to you. For that, I gladly accept the pain for the few seconds it took her to tell me. And I think I can maybe relate a little to how you feel: She also gave me the love of my fathers and friends, another few seconds of pain that don't count against learning that they're well." He smiled.

"I'm happy for you, too, then," Jimi said. "That your loved ones are well."

Iivo thought that he was smiling, too, although he couldn't see it with the blindfold on. "Tähti also said that Lassi's father is safe. That he's still travelling, but safe."

"She, Terhi, did this for us," Jimi stated. "She explained that there are ways for shamans to communicate over large distances, but only among each other and with spirits. To keep in contact with Lassi's father, she asked the spirits if she could give him one of the smaller Seita stones. She said that the spirits don't like it if they're moved or even touched, but when she told them why she wanted one, they agreed and offered to help us. They're drawn to the stones and could thus observe Lassi's father to let Terhi know how he was doing."

Jimi paused. "And now Tähti must be watching him, too," he mused and sighed. "I wish you'd come by knowing he's well by another means, but Lassi will be so relieved."

"Then let us go tell him," Iivo said.

"Now? Are you sure? I mean, are you feeling better? I could go fetch the sled so you won't have to walk."

"I'm feeling better," Iivo replied. It was the truth. "Much better. Tähti was with me only for a short time and the tea really helped. Since I promised to find more of it in hers and Terhi's cache, I should do that before I leave, so let us go back now."

"You mean before _we_ leave," Jimi corrected. "And no, we're not letting you go on your own. If you don't want me, Lassi will come with you, although he's the better-suited one to remain here to look after Anton. We won't pry into your secret, but you really shouldn't travel alone." He paused. "So many have died already. Too many. We want you to live, and from what you said, Tähti needs you to live so you can fulfil her task. And this is my final word."

There was nothing Iivo could say to contradict Jimi's line of reasoning. He squinted as he removed Jimi's scarf that had served as a blindfold, then he looked deep into the other's eyes. "Thank you. I couldn't think of a better travel companion."

Jimi gave him one of his rare smiles and they got on their way back to the goahti.


	12. Chapter 12

"Let's stop here for a moment." Jimi came to a halt and waited for Iivo, who was following. "Quick pee break. I'll be just..." Pointing to the forest on their right, he left the path.

Giving his friend privacy, Iivo turned to the river. They'd made good progress so far: Travelling along the river shore was much less demanding than finding his way through the forest, like Iivo had had to do on his way to Kukkola. Although they hadn't spoken much, he found that also enjoyed the company rather than travelling alone. Jimi had now and then called out and drawn his attention to landmarks so he could find his way back in case they got separated. On the other hand, if he got lost, all he had to do was follow the river south again. Still, it never hurt to know one's whereabouts.

"That's Sweden on the other side." Finished with his business, Jimi joined him. "Or it was Sweden before they closed off their northern region like Finland did, and Norway. Not sure about the Soviet Union, we never got news from there, but at least from the European side, Lapland is forbidden territory."

Iivo had heard the countries named by refugees, but the concept of nations hadn't played a role where he'd grown up. His Sámi foster fathers didn't think in terms of borders. These didn't play a role when life had to be focused on mere survival.

"Ukki said that in the beginning there were voices suggesting that the _Lapps,"_ Jimi continued, finger-quoting to indicate that he didn't agree with the derogatory term, "could now have Sápmi, their own country. But even though it was poisoned wasteland and really shouldn't be inhabited, the governments insisted on keeping the territory for exploitation. There were talks about making the Sámi work in the mines, but even the military refused to establish a presence in the irradiated regions so they could force them."

"I don't know much about these things," Iivo admitted. "Things must have been very different where you grew up."

Jimi was silent for a long time. Just when Iivo thought he wasn't going to answer, he spoke again. "They were," he said slowly. "Life here is..." He paused. "It feels to me now as if what I had in Oulu was in another lifetime. This," he opened his arms to encompass the scenery, "is where I feel at home now. I've always loved the outdoors," he explained. "My great-grandmother was Sámi, and for that, our family was shunned. It's why Ukki built the cabin outside town, and that's where I always liked it best." He paused again.

"Lassi's father invited me to come live with their family once he's made sure we'd be safe. In Oulu or in Helsinki, the capital in the south. I've never been there, it's even bigger than Oulu. Only..." Jimi hesitated. "Don't think I'm not grateful. I love Lassi and his father, but living in a town..."

"How many people live there?" Iivo asked. "I'm assuming there'd be a lot more than the 30 at my home, Arion." He'd never see those places, but he was curious nevertheless, all the more so since Jimi was so concerned about moving there.

"Tens of thousands," Jimi said, "in Oulu. In Helsinki, at some point almost half a million, but they lost count when refugees from all over the country fled there."

Iivo frowned. "How do they survive? Hunting and fishing surely can't sustain that many people. I can't even begin to imagine such numbers."

"The climate is less severe in the south," Lassi explained. "They grow grains mostly. Some of the food from the south is shipped up here for the garrisons along the Lapland border. Also, the civilian population in Oulu trades ore from the mines further north for food. And, of course, during the short summer weeks when Perämeri, the Bothnian Bay, isn't completely frozen, there's a lot of fishing going on. Altogether, life along the coast isn't too bad, but the inner country..." He took a deep breath.

"The food situation in most places is desperate. Factions are fighting for dominance. There's looting and the population is starving. Part of that is also going on in Oulu, which is what Lassi's father uncovered and..."

Jimi closed his eyes and bit his lip. Iivo put his hand on his friend's arm. He couldn't hope to comfort Jimi over the loss of his family, but he could at least convey his friendship and sympathy.

"I feel closer to them here," Jimi whispered. "But I know I can't stay, not on my own. I'd planned to ask Tähti and Terhi if I could stay and live with them once Lassi leaves with his father, but now that they're gone, that's no longer possible," he finished.

"I don't know how long I'll have to stay here until my task is completed," Iivo replied equally quietly, "but if you wish, you could come live with us at Arion." He smiled shyly.

"That... I don't know what to say..." Jimi blinked. "Only... thank you. Thank you. When the time comes... But we should be going. The weather could change – you said the wind is friendly with you, but also to never underestimate its power. It isn't very far now. Once we're past the bend in the river that's right ahead, you'll be able to see a rock formation in the distance. That's where the cabin is located nearby. We should reach it in an hour, two at most."

They resumed their journey. As Jimi had announced, they could see a group of rocks in the distance and Iivo knew immediately that they formed the sieidi where he'd find the drum. As they came closer, he could sense the power of the place, but it was less intense, almost inconspicuous in comparison to other sieidi he knew. It was probably deliberate to keep the home of the drum hidden from the spirit-sensitive, he thought.

When they reached the rocks, Jimi turned to face him. "This is where we turn away from the river. The cabin is in the forest. It's just a couple of minutes, but it cannot be seen from the path here." He led the way and Iivo followed.

Iivo knew of cabins only from the tales of refugees. Some had even attempted to build one in their settlement but had eventually opted for a goahti or kota instead, as these were better suited to the harsh environment. With its four walls and a slanted roof on top, the construction they were now approaching looked the way he'd imagined it would. Next to the actual cabin stood a njalla, a cache built on a pole to keep food safe from animals.

"There's more, I'll show you around later, but let's go in and have some tea first," Jimi offered.

Inside, the first thing Iivo noticed was that there wasn't an open fireplace. Yet, even without a fire, it wasn't entirely dark as light entered through several holes in the wall that were covered with very thin hides. Likewise, the wooden walls were covered with pelts and furs intended to keep out draught and help with insulation. A sleeping platform took up a large part of the space, as did a bench on the wall beside a table. Then, there was a big metal body that Jimi immediately knelt down before and lit a fire inside, then filled a kettle with snow and set it on top of the thing that Iivo now recognised as what must be the fireplace.

He had many questions, but was in no hurry to ask them, he'd have a lot of time for that later. For now, Iivo was content to sit back and watch. It didn't take long until they were sitting at the table with their kuksas filled with tea.

Eventually, Jimi spoke up. "I said I wasn't going to ask questions, but... I've been wondering... You don't have to answer." He met Iivo's eyes.

Iivo nodded. "Go ahead."

"Those rocks. Are they a seita? I'm not asking out of curiosity," Jimi hurried to explain, "but if they are a seita and there are spirits... I don't want you to get hurt," he added softly. "I apologise for intruding on your privacy after promising I wouldn't."

"Caring is not intruding," Iivo said warmly. "And you are right, that is a seita. As for spirits, when we passed by, I didn't sense any. Usually, I can feel their presence and if that's the case I'd just leave. The other day at the settlement, though... there were too many of them and their pain was too fresh. I wasn't aware of the sieidi – that's what we call a seita where I live – also being their burial place." He closed his eyes for a moment before speaking again. "I think I'll be safe here. Also, I like to think that Tähti would have warned me otherwise."

"Thank you for explaining." Jimi gave him a weak smile. "Still, could I... Would you do me a favour and carry this," he held out a small wooden object, "if you should ever go near the... sieidi? I'm not asking if you are..." He interrupted himself. "Let me explain." He took a sip of his tea.

"When Terhi offered that we could stay here, this," he gestured, "originally, it wasn't a cabin but a laavu. She used to come here with Risto now and then, as did Tähti and Tapani. At first, we thought it was because they wanted some privacy from time to time, but they kept visiting also after we moved here. What with Lassi, his dad, and me, there was even less privacy than at their kota. Also, while Risto and Tapani stayed with us to show us things and help construct the njalla, Tähti and Terhi would be off on their own. We never asked, but assumed that what they did had to do with the rocks." He paused.

"You assumed right." Musing on how much he could reveal to Jimi, whom he'd come to trust, Iivo's thoughts came to a halt when Jimi spoke again.

"You don't have to tell me."

"It isn't that I don't want to tell you, but I must not," Iivo said gravely. Then he reached out and took the object Jimi was offering. "What is it?"

"A whistle. I made it – and another for Lassi – in case there was a sudden change in weather and we'd get lost in a white-out." Jimi blushed. "I happened to lose a glove once when attempting to finger-whistle. If not for Terhi, it may have cost me the hand. I had my gloves on a string, but still lost one. As soon as my hand was healed from frostbite I made these, so one doesn't need to take the gloves off for whistling." He smiled. "Ukki taught me to carve these. Although we didn't have such sudden blizzards where I grew up, after losing the glove, I thought the whistles could be useful."

Jimi turned serious again. "I'd feel better if you took it. Spirits or not, one can fall and break a leg or be attacked by a wolf or wolverine. If you're out there on your own, you should have a means to call for help."

"I will take it with me and I appreciate it," Iivo said gravely. "And now, unless you need me here, I should probably go take at least a quick look before it gets dark." He didn't elaborate that he would be going to the sieidi.

"No, I'm good," Jimi said. "I can take care of things here for now, you go ahead with what you came here for."

Iivo cringed. "I shouldn't leave all the work to you."

Jimi laughed. "Don't worry. You'll get your chance later."

"All right then." Feeling relieved, Iivo joined his laughter. "I'll be on my way then."

"Take care."

Their eyes met.

"I will.


End file.
